How many times have you heard it? “Don’t talk about politics or religion with family and friends.”
It’s very bad advice. And, on this Memorial Day Weekend, I am telling to ignore it. It’s your duty as a rational American.
The advice is based on the thought that discussing these topics with friends and family will cause friction and confrontation. Most people don’t desire either of those, especially when it comes to celebrating holidays or family events.
I’m not going to dispute the fact that arguments will center around these topics. I remember arguing with my father when I was back in my adolescent “know it all” days. He was an Air Force Officer who had survived World War II and made the military his career. Thank God those days are in my rear-view mirror! He and I would go back and forth discussing mostly politics. He would share the facts, reason and wisdom of his years and I would blather on about some distorted world view where we could all join hands and have a Coke together. I’m sure he didn’t enjoy that, but he didn’t avoid it either.
I’m so grateful. Because he was willing to dispute my crazy ideas, I learned. As I became an adult, I realized that he was right, and I was terribly wrong. The time-honored facts and premises he shared became a core belief system I could use as I got married, got a job, had children, etc.
Granted, it’s a little different when you are sharing ideas with more distance relatives or friends. The discussions there can escalate much quicker and are more likely to end up in a shouting match or even a punch or two. It’s hard to see how those conversations can help people understand and respect each other.
Truth is, the person who shouts insults at you for your beliefs is probably not the one who will see your side of the issue. It happens to me all the time, you start a conversation and share facts and before you know it the other person is screaming “You’re a hater! You are a racist! You are a misogynist! (even though I’m a woman). No meeting of the minds happened.
Except that there is another person in the conversation. That is the third person in the room. This third person is the moderate, the undecided, the person who is not quite sure what is happening and how they feel about it.
That person is listening. And, while they might be a little nervous about the rising tension, they are also paying attention to what is being said and the truth and rationale behind it. That person might be interested in your views if you state them clearly, calmly and factually. You might even get them to agree with you.
This is what happened when we used to have these discussions. A friend of mine told me once that part of the problem with people nowadays is that we have avoided conversations regarding politics and religion. That has kept us from arguing things out and either agreeing to disagree or coming to common understanding. What’s left is a bunch of super sensitive children who run and hide every time they hear or read something they don’t like. Or they scream insults to make the other person feel bad and go away.
Advice?
Have these political and religious discussions when you can. Stay calm and state your ideas and supporting facts. If the other person loses their mind, allow them to lose it. It wasn’t that much use to them anyway. Besides, that third person watching might learn something.
Don’t be afraid to listen to what they are saying, other than the screaming slander. If they are willing to state facts as they see them, you need to hear what they are thinking. It’s funny when you start listening and discover that people you THOUGHT you disagreed with actually agree with you on some issues. Doesn’t mean you have lock arms and become besties, but it is common ground that we may need to find some day, especially as the government becomes more controlling and divisive.
Truth is, the ability to have these discussions is our Constitutional right to Freedom of Speech. Men and women DIED to preserve that right. Who are we to avoid them because there could be confrontation and hurt feelings?
This Memorial Day Weekend, as you sit at your cook-outs and pool parties. Talk about politics and religion. It’s the American way. Really.
Besides, the third person in the room needs to hear you.
Jan Greenhawk, Author
May 26, 2024
Jan Greenhawk is a former teacher and school administrator for over thirty years. She has two grown children and lives with her husband in Maryland. She also spent over twenty-five years coaching/judging gymnastics and coaching women’s softball.
This article was originally featured on the Easton Gazette.
